Joke Of The Day

If we concentrated on the really important stuff in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

How do prisoners call each other?
On their cell phones

Where do kids in New York learn multiplication?
Times Square

Why did the boy take his homework to the movies?
Because his teacher told him to date his homework.

My buddy gave me a tip straight from the horse's mouth, but it was all wet and slimy and disgusting and it smelled awful.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion a day should take care of everyone else.

I have so many problems that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I can worry about it.

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.
The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

Why does Dracula use to wipe the area before he bites?
Kleenex.

Where does a boat go when it's sick?
To the dock!

What is the penalty for breaking the law of gravity?
A suspended sentence

What kind of vehicles do web-footed mammals drive?
Otter mobiles

Why do prisoners like to eat a lot of candy?
They are hoping to break out.

What word starts with an E, ends with an E, and has only one letter?
Envelope

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

I always start running when spring arrives. Not all of me. Just my nose.

Batman bought a fedora. He wanted to be the capped crusader.

The stupid people of the world band together for strength against intelligence. You can't win.

Where do cars go swimming?
In a car pool!

On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!

Why was the cookie so sad?
It was a wafer too long.

Among the most effective labor-saving devices is the neighbor who hasn't returned your garden tools.

"I've got a crocodile named Ginger." "Does Ginger bite?" "No, but Ginger snaps."

Saw manufactures that are losing money will have to make a lot of cuts.


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